2:30 AM

At least I am waking up later and later. I suspect that speaking on the phone with my boss had, at the very least, subconsciously delayed my regular 2:11 AM wake up time, the time I shared with Lily. Awwww my sweet Lily.

 I think it's two weeks to the day, that she died. Gone. Left the earth forever. I can't believe it.  I am crying as I write this. But my overall sobbing has lessened over the past week. Who cares?  And even that, the latter answer bothers me as I reread it. Not in an irritating way. But in a sad way. I am starting lose her. Really lose her. Just a fraction, but it's noticeable.

And there is NO relief in it. Lily's mom and I had agreed to meet at my house to go over Lily's closets of clothes. There were so many individual pieces, I was 100% out of touch of knowing what she had. My only advice - was to box it up (or better, yet, have The Goodwill or whatever) come to the house and box it up and take away. Perhaps, I would see a homeless woman (or man) wearing something I would recognize.

And it would make me smile.

Her mom was not on the same page. She wanted to go through EVERY piece. Let me say it again, EVERY piece. And then she would decide what to give-away and what to keep, even though she could probably only wear a handbag of Lily's. Everything else was, I don't know, 8 sizes too small. Plus, there's the creepy factor. So, for a few hours, we bagged various sets of shoes, bagged blouses, etc., for about 2-3. Her mom wanted me there to bond over this tragic ritual of death we all have gone through.

I had hoped the small, memory or pattern of something would bring happiness or some sort of closure. It did not. I was so sad after het mother left with a car full of her clothes and then me sitting in an empty bedroom with the dogs' ears pinned back was heartbreaking.

 When Lucy came up to me to lick the tears off of my cheek, I lost it.

 Okay, that's it for now.