Leaving hospital...for now.,..

After checking in with the front desk at admitting, getting the security badge, being told that Lily was in a private room, I quietly entered. I could see the bed-adjacent chair was empty. Where was the mother, I thought?

I walked a bit further and saw Lily all alone in the room in her bed. Her eyes were closed but I couldn't tell if she was asleep.

I whispered, "Honey?" and her eyes opened. She didn't smile, though. Uh oh, I thought.

Turns out I was right. Cindy soon entered the room with a coffee from the cafeteria and we walked outside into the hall do you have a private conversation. Cindy had been there since about 8 AM and said Lily was "on fire". Which I knew meant that she was jittery, talking a little nonsensically, upset with a tiny bit of anger, etc.

Back to the room, I asked Lily how she felt and she quietly said "Pain...Pain". She got up in bed and tried to reposition herself over and over again. Almost OCD'ish. She kept saying, "I wish I could just get comfortable". Not knowing how recently she had been medicated, I whispered that question to her mom. She said about 10 mins before I walked in.

So, there's nothing I could say about that. I awkwardly brought up an anecdote to Lily about how much we (2 dogs and myself) missed her last night but Lily didn't really respond. I then said that our little one farted. Twice! And that produced a laugh out of her.

So, my thought is "She's still in there. Somewhere."

Lily is scheduled for a brain MRI today to see if the cancer has spread there. What will they do if they find it? My guess, probably nothing. Other than put it down on the negative side of a two column ledger.

And that's where it stands. MRI and then the dreaded doctor visit later this afternoon as to what treatment course remains, if anything. What a horrible journey this is.