Up at 1:36am

I woke up crying. I can't remember why, so it stunned me a little bit. It hasn't happened for some time but here I am. Was it a bad dream? Was it a nice dream that became sad? Is it knowing she's in pain just 1/4 mike away from here?

I so desperately want to go to the hospital and just sit next to her. But really, I want her next to me. That's it. I know why I'm sobbing. As I left Lily and bent down to hug her, she hugged me tightly back and whispered "I just want come home".

I miss her breathing, her smell, her voice and her laugh.

The dogs sleep close to me, more now. And I know they miss her, too.

This pain is so intense.